i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
