This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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