I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
