9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
