I accidentally had phone sex last night
I forgot how hot balto sounded
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
