...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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