she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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