Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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