I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
