I can't breathe out the right side of my face
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
