I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
