last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
