I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
