Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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