I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
