i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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