You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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