My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
