have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
