omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
worst night to have a conscience
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
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