Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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