Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
