I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
