Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
