If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
