You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
