your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
