Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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