Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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