it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize