Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
