God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
