just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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