i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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