Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
