It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
