Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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