I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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