hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
