hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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