Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
