I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
