I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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