so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I think my fart just growled at me.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
