The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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