Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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