apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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