I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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