My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
