there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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