my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
