I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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