glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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