This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
