I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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