Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
