I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
