We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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