Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
