low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
