Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
