Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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