We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
