good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
