I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
