Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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