Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
