please come you make the beer taste better
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
this hospital has no fireball
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
