Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
